Q & A – No Children Allowed!

QUESTION:

Hi Eve-Maridy,

Because we wanted to keep our wedding small, we only invited adults, not children (except for immediate family and a cousin flying in from the other coast, who’ll spend a week with his parents after our wedding).

We tried to make this clear by using inner envelopes with the invitations; the envelopes had the names of only the adults (or, only the invited guests). For example, “Jane and Bob,” instead of “Jane, Bob, Billie, and Jimmy.”

Most guests responded accordingly (“Jane and Bob will attend…”). However, one couple listed their own as well as their children’s names on the reply card. My mother called them to gently explain that the children were not invited (or, that the wedding is adult-only, except for immediate family). The couple protested that the pre-printed hotel reservation card included with the invitation materials mentioned the price of a child’s stay (in light font, under where one checked off “double” or “single”). Needless to say, it was an awkward conversation.

I think perhaps they should have checked with us if they were unclear; after all, other guests understood their children were not included in the invitation. In any case, they are now saying they may not be able to attend.

We don’t want to make an exception for them, as that seems unfair to the many other guests who have had to arrange childcare (AND as we don’t want many children beyond the few already attending).

Are we rude in sticking to our original plans (no children), or should we make an exception (and then feel sheepish to the many other guests whose children were left with a sitter—or perhaps find ourselves making other exceptions, until half the guest bring children)?

Also, should I drop them a personal note if they end up declining? They are, for what it’s worth, family friends of my mother and brother; they are not people I am particularly close to or would have invited if left to my own devices.

Best regards,
Julia

ANSWER:

Hi, Julia~

In this situation, you are completely in the right. You were correct in how you invited your guests to indicate that children were not being invited (NOTE: It is actually considered very tacky and against etiquette to say “NO CHILDREN” or anything of the sort in wedding invitations).

It was a mistake on the part of your mother’s friend to assume that her children were being invited, but you dealt with that correctly as well by having your mother call her and inform her of the no children policy at your wedding. It would have been in extremely bad taste for you to allow her children but no one else’s, so I’m glad you have opted not to do that.

So, the long and short of it is, there’s not much else you can do, and you have nothing to feel bad about. You have followed etiquette to a tee in this situation. If your mother’s friend is offended and holds a grudge because her children cannot attend, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

If it would make you feel better, go ahead and send her a personal note or call her and let her know that it wasn’t your intention to offend, and that you’d still be honored if she attends the wedding (sans children, of course). That’s about the last thing I would suggest you do.

My advice now is to enjoy the rest of your planning, and let this issue go. You’re innocent of any wrong doing!

Happy Planning.

~Eve-Maridy