Q & A - Invitation to the shower but not the wedding?

QUESTION:

Is it proper to have a couple’s shower and also invite guests who are not invited to wedding? I don’t want to have 2 separate parties. I thought I could send 2 different invites, one for the shower and one for just a party for the couple of guests who aren’t invited.

Thanks!

Deb

PS: Can you help me with the wording for a couple’s shower and wording for “no gifts”.
ANSWER:

Hi, Deb~

This is a question I have gotten quite a few times. My first reaction is to say that if you are going to invite someone to attend your couple’s shower, you should also invite them to your wedding.

However, I understand that there are (more often in recent years) situations where couples may be having very small weddings, or destination weddings, so only a limited number of guests can be invited to the actual ceremony. In that case, it does make sense to have a couple’s shower to celebrate with the friends and family that will not make it on the final guest list for the ceremony.

I think it’s important to note that there may be some hurt feelings if you don’t invite certain people to the wedding that are invited to the shower. It’s just human nature. I suggest you make a point of telling your shower guests about the limited space at your wedding (or whatever the case may be) so they understand the reasoning behind them not being invited to the big day.

I’m not sure why you would need separate shower invitations. I suggest you send the same shower invitation to everyone.

As for the invitation verbiage, here are some good examples (courtesy of http://www.colorsbydesign.com/store/WORDING/bridalwording.shtml)

Couple’s Shower
Brenda and Dave’s wedding
is on the way
Help us prepare them
for their big day!

A Couple’s Shower
in honor of
Brenda Disby & Dave Vorn
Saturday, April 15, 2000
3:30 p.m.
Hosted by Samantha and Keith
1212 Rexford Drive, Brentwood

Regrets only (212) 376-1669

Couple’s Shower
You’re invited
to a
shower of love
Please join us for a
couple’s shower
to celebrate the recent marriage
of
Jenny and Jason
Theme: Gifts of Love
Saturday, August 1st
5:00 p.m.
4376 Elm Street
Danbury

R.s.v.p. to: Lori & Ken
(323) 543-1123

If you would prefer your guests not bring gifts to the shower, try using one of the following lines of text at the bottom of your shower invitations (courtesy of http://marriage.about.com/od/anniversaries/qt/nogifts.htm)

-No gifts please. Your presence with us on this special day will be our cherished gift.

-Your love and friendship is the only gift we need or desire.

-The couple requests no gifts.

-No gifts requested.

-In lieu of gifts, you may make a donation to ____ (list some favorite charities.)

-The family asks that no gifts be given.

I hope you find this information helpful. Please let me know if I can help in any other way!

Happy planning!

~Eve-Maridy